At the end of the show, we (the viewers) get to "drop by" for a "visit." This return visit is always introduced on screen by the sound of a ringing doorbell ding dong! and an on-screen banner announcing how many weeks or months it's been since the homeowners first moved in. This is always my favorite part because I enjoy seeing how each person took things they didn't like about the house and changed it to their own tastes. Sometimes I'm disappointed by the new look and sometimes I'm completely amazed by the vision the new owner had for a space, wall, or niche that the previous owner (and I as a viewer) did not have. I've seen new homeowners completely transform what was previously "wasted space" into whole craft rooms, or clever little libraries.
This is particularly of interest to me now, as I'm currently two months into a new home. I've spent some time daydreaming about that ding dong! and how different my house might look at the three-month, six-month and one-year mark. At times I even notice myself stressing out because I realize I'm fearful of not meeting my (entirely make believe) interior decorating expectations, and I'm silently racing to reach those milestone deadlines to see if I will be able to transform new spaces out of something not seen before. Since budget is always a factor, I'm sure much of my daydreaming will still be merely a dream at those pesky calendar markers. Still, at times I can't help but hope money will fall from the sky and my house will be "picture perfect" after only six months! Sometimes the stress of that can start to weigh on me.
In a quiet moment the other day, though, I became aware of a new sense of peace I've gotten while being in this house. I looked around trying to figure out why. From a decorating standpoint, there is still much to do. And, in fact, I find myself losing interest in getting it decorated (again mostly due to budget restrictions, I imagine), so the possibility of meeting those make-believe deadlines is probably less likely than ever.
So, why the peace? Well, certainly with every day that passes I feel more familiar with this house, and I know from experience that familiarity and routine are two of the most critical factors in "home-making." But this was something else. Something deeper that went beyond the surface of decor, furniture arrangements, and even routine. I couldn't quite place it, but nonetheless was grateful for the sense of peace.
Then, yesterday I was able to spend some time in quiet reflection trying to put my finger on just exactly what had changed for me in the past few weeks. I began going down my mental checklist of what I'd hoped and prayed for when we first agreed to make this latest cross-country move. I silently went back over the list of things that were most important to me, beyond the qualities of the house, and this is what I remembered praying for:
- that my kids would be welcomed by their new school and teachers, and make new friends easily at school, and if possible in our neighborhood
- that I would find ways to use my time and talents volunteering both with my kids at school and for my own fulfillment in other areas (most likely church)
- that I would find friends of my own rather quickly as I am social by nature and the sooner I have someone to chat with or even hear an occasional "Hi, Lisa!" from, the sooner I feel at home
- that I would be able to get some of the most critical things on my TO DO list for the house (window treatments, towel bars, etc.) done so that I would not feel weighed down with the stress of the seemingly most basic things
- Realization #1: Only days after moving into our new house, my school-aged boys both met several boys and girls around their own ages to play with in our neighborhood. They ride the bus to school together, and they play together after school. Nearly every night my kids will either see the other kids out our windows and will run out to play with them, or our doorbell will ring with the age old question being asked, "Can you come out and play?" What's more is that all of my kids are liking their teachers and making new friends in school, too.
- Realization #2: The beginning of a new school year is always a great time for schools to cull the class lists looking for new families and therefore "new blood" to volunteer. My kids' schools have made excellent use of this skill and as a result, my calendar has quickly filled up with weekly classroom volunteering and meetings to help plan future school activities. In addition, our church just held a "ministry fair" with different booths set up to advertise the various ways within the parish we could volunteer our time and talents. My husband and I managed to stop in at a quiet time of the fair and got the full-court press from many of the groups. Already that evening my email inbox was holding my new prayer requests for the prayer chain I signed up for, as well as a meeting date from our parish librarian letting me know when I could come get training on shelving and marking books.
- Realization #3: An evening stroll turned into a vital neighborhood meet-and-greet! A few weeks ago, we embraced the cool weather and decided to take a walk around our new neighborhood. As we turned the corner, we realized several neighbors were taking advantage of the same nice weather. After only a brief exchange we were armed with a half-dozen phone numbers and email addresses for our new-found friends, who are all too happy to smile and shout, "Hi, Lisa!" when they see me in the neighborhood.
- Realization #4: Most recently Howard stopped by. You don't know Howard? Oh, boy, you should! Howard is the guy who subcontracts to measure and hang window treatments at our local Lowe's. For a mere $120 he will come and measure all the windows in your house, then return once the window treatments arrive and...drum roll, please... HANG THEM ALL HIMSELF! I shudder (ha ha at the pun) to think of how long it actually would have taken my husband and I to get window treatments on every window. (And sadly, how many imperfections we'd see in them). Howard had our whole house done (perfectly) in one morning.
I have to confess that in previous years it would have been much easier for me to take for granted all the gifts I'd received here. I would have simply thought I'd deserved them--or even worse that it was my own doing that had made them happen--and would have turned my focus onto all the "things" I still wanted for the house. Real things. Store bought things.
And I would have completely missed the other "things" I had received. The intangible, invisible things. The things that aren't found on store shelves or in mail-order catalogs. You know, the important things.
But so often, since we don't have to buy them, we think we are owed (or at the very least that we have earned) these important, intangible things. And if we think that, then we fail to recognize them for what they are: gifts freely given.
So that explained my sense of peace (also a gift, by the way). It was a quiet, soul-soothing peace that comes from a deep-seated knowledge of the most basic realizations: 1) I don't deserve any of it. And 2), my prayers were answered anyway.
True, I still daydream about the ding dong! deadline in my head. But I no longer think of these milestone deadlines in the same way. I see now that it's not about being able to "show off" my decorating flair (if I have any) nor about showcasing my ability to buy "nice things." Rather, it's about being able to see how, over time, my outlook has been transformed from a life of entitlement to a life of gratitude.
True. Humble. Knee-bending. Gratitude.
Gratitude for all the deadlines that have been met. In record time. When I wasn't even looking. So quiet and unassuming I almost missed them...
Ding dong! A prayer answered through a school volunteer list.
Ding dong! A prayer answered at the church ministry fair.
Ding dong! A prayer answered through an evening neighborhood stroll.
Ding dong! A prayer answered at the local DIY chainstore through a contracting angel named Howard.
In retrospect, I can see that there was one prayer answered in such an obvious way I feel silly for having nearly missed it. It came in the form of some curious neighborhood kids as they timidly reached up to touch our doorbell...
Ding dong! "Can you come out and play?"
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